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Okay, maybe we need to pull back on watching the Tony Awards so much

July 9, 2009

I’ve previously discussed how we let Besh watch the Tony Awards with us and some of his advice for the performers people on the stage.  But yesterday I realized that maybe we need to cut back slightly on the Tony watching.

It was actually the second sign.  The first sign was on Sunday afternoon when he requested to watch the beginning of the Tony Awards.  So we put it on and he proceeded to recite the entire first 30 minutes.  Every word.  Meaning every song, then the voiceover announcement, then Neil Patrick Harris’ opening monologue, then Jane Fonda announcing the nominees and even the winner of the first award.  Let me repeat–he recited EVERY WORD along with the broadcast.  It was both hilarious and disturbing.

Then yesterday, on my drive home from work, Besh and I had this conversation on the phone.

Mommy: “Besh, tell Daddy what you told me today.”

Besh: “Oh, yes.  Daddy, let’s go to the airport and get on a plane and fly to New York City.”

Me: “You want to go to New York City?”

“Yes.  And we can go to the theater and see Liza Minelli and then bring her back home with us.”

“You want to bring Liza Minelli back home with us?”

“Yes.  We can take her to Pajamba Juice and she can get a moo moo.”  [Beshisms for Jamba Juice and a smoothie, respectively]

“What kind of moo moo do you think Liza Minelli would get?”

“Well, she would probably want a strawberry moo moo.”

“That is a tasty moo moo.”

“But she could have blueberry or banana or peach or anything.”

“She can have any moo moo she wants?”

“Oh yes.  Because we love her.”

At the very least, by documenting this I’m at least giving Besh the ability to print these posts out and provide them directly to the therapist in a couple decades.  Or beam them into the therapist-computer or whatever they’ll be doing those days.

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Telling Besh he’s going to be a big brother

June 24, 2009

Thinking it’d be cool to have this reaction recorded, but knowing how he loves cameras and he would just want to watch the video camera if we set it up, I decided to record the audio of our telling Besh the big news using my phone.  So we all sat on the couch and I fired up the app.  Here’s the transcript, maybe I’ll upload the actual audio later.

Besh sees me hit a button on the phone.

B: I wanna watch a video.

D: Well, it’s not a video.  I was going to record something.

M: Of me, Daddy?

D: Yeah!

M: Listen, Mommy and Daddy have something very exciting and important to tell you that we get to tell you because you’re such a big boy.

Besh looks at the sound level indicator on the phone and decides they’re far too low.

B: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

We laugh.

D: Listen to Mommy.

M: And Daddy.

D: And Daddy.

M: This is exciting news.

D: This is super exciting news, Beshaboo.  Are you ready for super exciting news?

B: Yeah.

D: You know John David?  Yeah?  Do you know Patrick?

M: Who’s Patrick?

B: Is he from the Tony Awards?

D: No, no.  That’s another Patrick.  That’s Neil Patrick Harris.  No, Patrick is John David’s little brother.  Have you seen that little baby?

B: No.

D: You haven’t seen him?

B: No!

M: Didn’t you see him at sing-song?

B: No.

D: No?  (inside I’m thinking Crap, new tactic!)  Well did you know that John David has a brother?

B: Yes.

D: You did know that?

B: Sure.

He reaches over to push the phone’s button.

D: Oh, you want to turn that on so you can see the numbers?

B: Yeah.

Screen comes on.

B: BBBBBLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

D: Exactly.

B: HELLO {unintelligible}!

D: Wait wait wait.  Okay.  Do you know what?  Do you want to hear something really exciting?

B: Mmm hmm.

D: There is a baby inside of Mommy’s belly.

Silence.

M: Isn’t that crazy?

D: How crazy is that?

Silence.

D: So in a few months–

M: Well, near Chanukah.

D: Near Chanukah.  It’s a while away.  We’re gonna go see the doctor and they’re going to take the baby out of Mommy’s belly–

M: When the baby’s ready.  The baby is going to grow and grow and Mommy’s belly is going to get bigger and bigger.

D: Oh yeah!

M: Just like when you were in my belly!  Now there’s another baby in my belly.

Besher laughs.  Then leans into the phone.

B: Baa baa baa!

M: So after Chanukah–

B: Mmm hmmm.

M: We’re going to go the doctor one day and he’s going to say, “Yup, the baby’s ready!” and then you are going to be a big brother!  We’re gonna have a new baby in our house!

Silence.  He’s grinning.

D: How crazy is that?

B: I– I— I—

M: And you know what?  If you want, you can help with the baby.

B: I wanna help with the baby!

M: If you want, when the baby comes out you can help with the diapers and you can help cover him up with the blanket.  Because you’re going to be the big brother.  You’re going to be the super big role model leader in our house forever because you’re going to be the big brother.

D: You’re going to be the big brother.  You’re going to have to teach this new one all about how to do stuff in this house.

B: Yeah!  I can show him how to take a nap.  And if he mess around I will say to him–I will say–If you mess around I will go away from him.

D: You would go away from him?

B: Yeah!  After he do some messed up…messed up stuff.  Just…funny business in my bed.

M: But you know what, he’s not going to sleep in your bed.  He’s going to have his own bed.

B: He’s going to have MY CRIB?

M & D: Yeah!

B: We’re going to bring that crib back to our house and the baby can sleep in that crib like I did?

D: Mmm hmm.  What do you think of that, is that cool?

B: Yeah! He can put–he can–he can–he can put on the frog pajamas.

M: Oh, he can wear the frog pajamas?

Besh nods.

D: Aw, Besh that’s so nice.

M: You know what, when the baby’s born he’s going to be like this big.  He’s going to be little.  He’s going to be so little.  And you know what?  You can give him hugs and you can give him kisses.

B: He’d like that!

D: He would like that!

B: Well, I just have to tell him I broke my head.

(He bumped his head on the playground that day–nothing broke)

D: You have to tell him that?

B: Yeah, yeah. 

M: You bumped your head on the playscape today?

B: I broke my head.

D: You broke your head?

B: Yeah, I did.  Yeah.

D: Did they fix it?

B: No.

D: They didn’t?  It’s still broken?

Besh reached back and tested his head.

B: No, it’s fixed.

D: Oh, it’s fixed, you’re right.

B: Yeah, I didn’t got broke.

D: Yeah?

B: Yeah.

M: You know what, Beshaboo?  While the baby is in my belly, you can talk to him.  You can say, “Hi, Baby, I’m your brother Besher!”

B: Well, I can’t see him.

M: No, you can’t see him.  I can’t see him either.  Mommy can’t see him and Daddy can’t see him.

B (laughing): He’s in Mommy’s belly button!

M: He’s in my belly right now!

Besh tickles Mommy’s belly.

B: Tickle tickle.

M: But that’s also why you cannot kick Mommy’s belly right now?

(Besh is very snugly, but also likes to push his feet up against you while snuggling)

B: Why?

M: Well, because the baby’s in there.  Don’t kick the baby!  But you can say, “Hi, Baby!”

(I resisted the urge to do a South Park impression, but it did cross my mind)

B: Well, I want to tickle him right now.  Tickle tickle tickle.

We laugh.

M: The baby is going, “Hee hee hee.”

Besh finds this hysterical.

M: How crazy is that?

B: I can tickle him!  Tickle tickle tickle tickle.

M: You are going to be such a good big brother!

B: How about you turn on this and you turn on the button and I tickle tickle?

D: I am!  This is recording!

B: Well, I want to–

D: Oh, you don’t have to push it, it’s still recording.  We’ll listen to it later.  So what do you think, little man?

B: Tickle tickle tickle.

M: You think he’s going to be ticklish like you?  You think he’s going to like being tickled just like you?

B (laughing): Yeah!  But I want, I want–

D: You want to see all the buttons?  See, it’s still going.

B: Okay.  Tickle tickle tickle.

Brief interlude while we try to talk but he just wants to tickle the baby. 

D: So what do you think, little man?  Is that cool that you’re going to be a big brother?

B: Yes!

M: Are you excited?

B: YYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!  (this is so loud, the recording distorts)  Watch me, watch me!  YYYYYYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! 

(The volume is equal parts excitement and wanting to see the bars light up)

D: Whoa, that’s really loud.  You don’t want it to go that high.

B: Yeeeeeeeesssssssssssssss!!!!

D: Is there something you want to say to your little brother?

B: What is it?

D: We’re recording this and he can hear it someday.

B: He will hear it?

D: Yes.  What do you want to say to him?

B: Tickle tickle.

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Toddlers make better censors

June 23, 2009

For Father’s Day, Besh and Sara got me two very cool things–the complete Firefly series on Blu-ray which I’ve been wanting to watch up in the theater for a while and a travel guide book for Sara and my upcoming anniversary trip.  Besh could care less about Firefly, even though I tried to show him the spaceship on the cover (spaceships haven’t really hit with him yet), but he immediately took the book and started thumbing through it.

Me: “Hey, Besh, can I see the book now?”

Besh: “No.”

“Why not?”

“I’m checking to see if it’s appropriate for you.”

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Besher’s advice to Bret Michaels

June 18, 2009

As discussed earlier, we let Besh watch the Tony Awards with us the other week. He has since wanted to watch the opening number and the performance from the Jersey Boys at the end almost daily.  So there have been numerous discussions about the songs, dances, and overall performances which prompted this exchange in the car the other day.

Besh: “Daddy?  You remember the guy in the cowboy hat?”

Me: “Cowboy hat?”

“Yes.  He hit the stage.”  {Besh slaps his forehead so I understand what hit the stage means}

“He did?”

“Yes.  He hit the stage…” {forehead slap} “and he broke his nose.”

“Oh, you mean Bret Michaels.”

“Yes, Bret Michaels.  You should tell that man to not be hyper.”

“Was he hyper?”

“Oh yes.  He was hyper.  And he was being goofy too.  So he was hyper and goofy and he hit the stage and he broke his nose and that’s owie.”

“You’re right, that is owie.”

“Yes, so you tell him not to be hyper and goofy, okay?”

“Okay, I’ll tell him.”

So, Bret Michaels, Besh would like you to stop being hyper and goofy.  To be fair, he hasn’t seen any of your VH1 series because if he did he likely might have some additional advice for you.  Or he may just start cheering for the stage to finish the job.

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Toddler cursing is not funny. Nope. Not at all. Not even a little bit.

June 11, 2009

This is all from Sara.  And I am not laughing about it one bit.  Not even a teeny, tiny, little bit.  Zip.  Nada laughing.

So, we let Besh stay up and watch the Tony Awards live and in their entirety with us.  He was especially excited when we explained to him how much we loved them.  If you didn’t see it, the opening number was spectacular and ended with a rousing rendition of “Let the Sun Shine In.”  It was awesome. 

The first day after the Tonys, Besh walked around everywhere – the house, the garage, our local jumping place (Goin Bananas) – singing “Let the Sun Shine In.”  He even swayed and put his hands in the air.  It was adorable.  I thought it was great that we (really Ryan) had made the call to let him watch them.

Then came day two.  Besh woke up and asked to watch the Tonys again.  I was getting breakfast ready and said we could watch after he ate something.  He said, “Mommy, I want to watch that guy sing, ‘Damn!’ again.”  When I inquired about which song he meant, he informed me that there was a guy in a jacket and tie who sang “Damn” to a woman.  I figured out which song he meant (Ryan’s note: it’s from Next to Normal, a musical about a family coping with the mother’s manic depression–it’s a pretty powerful song) and tried to explain that damn was a word that could hurt other people’s feelings.  That he shouldn’t say it and that, sometimes, words can hurt other people as much as hitting them.   That didn’t seem to fully resonate, so I then said, “do you remember that the woman cries after he says that to her?”  He acknowledged that but then said, scrunching his face and giving it a very bluesey attitude, “but I want him to sing ‘DAAAAMMMMNNN’ to her again.”  After some other attempts at explanations (including asking the biggest gamble question ever, “have you ever heard Mommy use that word” to which, thankfully, his answer was, “no”), I told him there were rules to using that word.  I said he could use it if he was ever in a suit and tie on a Broadway stage.  He seemed cool with that.

Later, his teacher came over to babysit.  He was across the room engaged in some other activity so I very quietly explained that he had just begun to use the word damn (spelling it out).  At which point, he ran over to us and said, “Miss Aimee, I like to watch the Tony Awards.  I like it when the man sings, ‘DAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMNNN.”  Miss Aimee started lauging (it is hilarious to see him do this).  So, I tried to reiterate that some words are hurtful and can make people sad.  At which point – without blinking an eye – he says, “but she’s not upset.  She’s laughing.  She’s fine.  DAAAMMMMMMMMMMNNNN!”  We then reverted to the rules.  You must be on a Broadway stage, wearing a suit and tie.

We’re working on it but I think it’s going to be a long process.  Damn. 

 

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My current favorite Beshisms

May 27, 2009

When pointing out something funny, silly, or just tasty (like a strawberry-banana smoothie): “How crazy is that?”

When asking if he’s doing something right: “Is this the correct?”  (Bonus to any of my work clients–ask me in email Is this the correct? and you get moved to the top of the line)

When talking about things he can do when he gets bigger: “When I go all the way to the ceiling…”

When promoting a plan he’s just come up with, usually one that involves Chuck E Cheese or the elevators at the mall: “That’s a great idea!”

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How a toddler can get whatever he wants from a Toys ‘R Us

May 26, 2009

This is not to say Besh was being manipulative, since this is the same toddler who said he only needed one toy from the Times Square Toys ‘R Us, but if he was trying to be then he couldn’t have done it better.

Step 1: Get an out-of-town grandparent into town.  That was accomplished this past weekend when Gamaw was in town.

Step 2: Arrange to go to Toys ‘R Us or some other toy store.  In this case, he had fallen in love with a Sit and Spin at a friend’s birthday party.  Incidentally, when does Sit and Spin go from cool children’s toy to obscene curse expression?  I’m guessing early teens.

Step 3: While walking into Step 2’s toy store with Step 1’s grandparent, have a little scene like this play out.

Besh (holding Gamaw’s hand on the way to the store): “Hey, Gamaw, I have to tell you something.”

Gamaw: “What’s that?”

“I love you, Gamaw.”

Then drop Gamaw’s hand and run into the store.

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PIAB 4: “It’s not a big deal.”

May 18, 2009

Summer movie season is officially upon us and Besh decided he wanted in on the mad sequel action by providing us with material for the latest in the Poop in a Boot series (which is less about boots these days).  If you haven’t caught up on the series, go ahead and read Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3.

Last Friday, Sara was helping Besh get ready for school.  He needed his hat from upstairs, so he went up to get it.  After a minute or so, Sara realized how very quiet it was upstairs.  This, as all parents of a toddler know, is not a good thing.

Sara: “Besh, you ok?  Everything ok up there?”

Besh (calling down): “It’s not a big deal.  Ok.  Ok.  It’s not a big deal.”

The feeling of dread starts to settle in.

Sara: “What’s not a big deal?”

Besh: “It’s ok, it’s ok!  It’s not a big deal.”

“What’s not a big deal?”

“The poop on the floor.  It’s not a big deal.”

Bingo.

Sara went upstairs to find that Besh had taken his clothes off to use the potty but hadn’t quite made it onto the bowl.  He recently stopped using his step stool since he’s gone through another growth spurt, but sometimes it takes him a bit longer to get up there.  Sara got it cleaned up, and it really wasn’t a big deal.  Besh kept saying “It’s not a big deal.” over and over, so he was a bit worried. 

Sara reassured him.  “Well, if you can help it, please don’t do it again.  But you’re right, it’s not a big deal.”

So, Barnes & Noble, I think we’re even now.  Can we come back?

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I love you all the [fill in blank]

May 15, 2009

Sara and I have been reading books to Besh at bedtime since he was about 6 months old.  Maybe earlier.  Although some books have come and gone, one that has lasted for a long time and even mounted a few comebacks when it disappeared for a while is I Love You All The Time.  If you haven’t read it (I know, you’re waiting for the movie), each page talks about different things parents do with or without kids but always ends with “I love you all the time.”

Recently, this line has evolved into a kind of game with Besh where we’ll replace time with something else.  So it’s not uncommon to have exchanges like…

“I love you all the Mary Poppins.”

“I love you all the teeth.”

“I love you all the Gamaw car.”

“I love you all the soccer ball.”

Usually it goes back and forth for a bit.  Sometimes one of us will repeat the other, which then triggers a sideround of the “Hey, I said that!” game which oftentimes lasts longer than one would anticipate.

The “I love you all the [blank]” game appeared infinite and unwinnable until last night at the dinner table we had this exchange.  (This is about 10 rounds into the game, but I’ve edited for your enjoyment.)

Besh: “I love you all the string beans.”

Me: “I love you all the ice cream.”

Besh’s eyes went wide.  “Seriously?”

“Seriously.”

“Wow.”

Yes, ice cream is the ultimate toddler trump card.

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That’s my Broadway boy

May 13, 2009

Sara and I have always been theater fans.  For the first few years of Besh’s life we had more babysitters in New York City than we did back home.  Even today Besh has seen more Broadway shows (2) than he’s seen movies in a non-home theater (1).  One of the DVDs Besh likes to watch is a compilation of old televised Tony awards shows.  It includes some scenes from the original production of Chicago.

Today, while Sara was driving Besh to his Dinoland field trip and listening to Sirius’ On Broadway channel, the song from the DVD (”All I Care About is Love”) comes on.  In the opening lines, with the background singers moaning “We…want…Billllllllly…B…I…double L Y,” Besh proudble proclaims:

“Jerry Orbach is in this show!”

Skips the song, skips the show, goes right for the talent.  That’s my boy.

Posted in Besher Conversations, Mommy Adventures | 1 Comment »

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