Archive for the ‘Besher Jokes’ Category

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“And where did Isaac come from?”

December 2, 2011

The other night at dinner we had this conversation. Not exactly sure what led into it, so let’s pick it up in the heart of the action.

Mommy: “Besh, do you know what ‘beshert’ means?”

Besh: “No, what?”

Mommy: “It’s Yiddish and it’s where we got your name. It means that when something is so special and so amazing that the only explanation is that it was meant to be. So when we first saw a picture of you in Mommy’s tummy, Daddy started calling you the Beshert Bean because you looked like a bean. And then we called you Besher after we thought and thought and thought. Because you were so special you were meant to be with us.”

Besh gets up out of his chair to go cuddle with Mommy. Then he looks up.

Besh: “And where did Isaac come from?”

Daddy: “Bah. Isaac’s a second child. We both liked the name.”

Mommy: “Daddy! Tell him where we got Isaac’s name!”

Daddy: “Besh, what letter does Isaac’s name start with?”

Besh: “I!”

Daddy: “That’s right! And that’s the same letter as Idel. Do you know who Idel was?”

Besh shakes his head.

Daddy: “That was Doccy’s real name.” (Doccy was Sara’s grandmother who passed away earlier this year)

Besh: “Oh, so it’s the same letter.”

Daddy: “Exactly.”

Besh: “Daddy! Do you know what else starts with I? iPhone!”

Mommy and Daddy laugh.

Besh: “Oh, and iPad too! So he was named after them too!”

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Wisdom from Besh

October 16, 2011

“All boys care about are toots and belching and fun.”

True dat.

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Storm geography

August 28, 2011

“Besh, you see this big storm on TV?” (watching Irene)

“Uh huh.”

“You know who’s getting rain today?”

“Who?”

“New York City. And Emerson.” (she’s in Boston) “And Miss Aimee.”

“You mean Nicaragua?”

“Huh?”

“Oh, I meant Connecticut.”

“Right. Same thing.”

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Um, you’re welcome?

August 21, 2011

Besh likes to perform. I have no idea where he gets that from. But it isn’t unexpected for him to put on a show, usually a dance. So the other day he did a dance and then bowed as usual. But this time after we clapped he insisted on giving a speech. Bear in mind that the only other people in the house were Mommy, Daddy, and Isaac.

“Thank you everyone for coming. And I’d like to especially thank my family. They stole my heart and I love them very much.

“I’d also like to thank my Daddy for showing me Star Wars even though I was too young to see it but I didn’t get scared. Thank you, Daddy.”

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Pork explosion!

April 18, 2011

Yesterday Besh and I were fortunate enough to be invited over to cousin Brian, Elaine, and Eitan’s house for dinner. What made it so awesome was that cousin Brian, a gourmet chef in his spare time, had purchased an entire pig to roast and was having people over to partake.

One bit of Texas culture I’ve happily embraced for myself and Besh is barbeque. The day Besh was cleared to eat meat we went to Hut’s that night but drove to Lockhart the next morning for brisket. When we go to BBQ he’ll happily eat brisket and pork loin but his favorite is turkey these days.

Still, this was something that couldn’t be missed. But on the drive over, I started to get a bit nervous. This would likely be the first time Besh connected meat with animals. It’s a connection I’m not squeamish about, but I was concerned he would be. So I decided to have a chat with him.

Me: “Besh, you know where we’re going?”

Besh: “Cousin Eitan’s.”

“That’s right. Do you know why?”

“Why?”

“You know how cousin Brian is an amazing chef?”

“Of course.”

“He’s roasting an entire pig!”

“You mean the animal?” Uh-oh, I thought.

“Yes, the animal. You know how we eat pork loin at barbeque?”

“Yes.”

“And do you like bacon?”

“Oh yes.”

“Well, pork and bacon all come from pigs.”

He thought about this a second, then said “Awesome.”

Sighing with relief and smiling, off we went to cousin Eitan’s house (which he happily lets his parents co-habitate).

Once there, the entire group patiently awaited the pig’s completion, and when it finally emerged it sat on the counter to rest. (It’d had a really rough day.) I asked Besh if he wanted to see it and he ran in and tried to pet it’s roasted snout, then pulled back because it was hot. He didn’t give it a second glance before going back to play with the other kids until dinner was ready.

At dinner, he was loving the bits of pork I gave him (tenderloin, shoulder, etc.). He made me go back and get him more meat two times, a record for him since he’s only ever asked for more once and that was at Smitty’s (good boy). He was loving the meat so much he started some of the kids in a screaming chant of “Cousin Brian is the best chef EVER!”

By the second time I went back for Besh the pickings were getting a bit slim, but I did notice one piece on the table. I absent mindedly wondered what it was since it seemed to have a lot of fat around it, that’s when someone pointed out it was part of the pork belly. I’m used to seeing pork on a plate, not a table, so I happily cut some up for Besh. I took it back to his table and trimmed most of the fat off then gave him a bite to try.

He chewed and chewed and chewed and swallowed. Then he paused.

Me: “How was that?”

He started waving his hands over his stomach and making a rumbling sound which slowly got louder as his hands got higher and higher until they reached his mouth and he flung them out.

Besh: “BOOM! That was so awesome I just exploded!”

Couldn’t agree more.

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The second and only slightly less important movie to quote

April 12, 2011

The other day Mommy and Isaac were dropping off Besh at school. At the gate, Besh stopped and waved.

“Good bye, Mommy. Good bye, Isaac. Have fun storming the castle!”

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Exactly what a five year old should say

March 20, 2011

Today Besh went with Mommy to go get Mommy’s car washed. On the drive home they quickly realized that the cleaner used inside the car smelled rather disgusting, so they proceeded to roll down the windows. At which point Besh felt the need to tell Mommy something very important.

Besh: “You know what this car needs, Mommy?”

Mommy: “What, Besh?”

“More cowbell.”

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Besh interprets Bruno Mars’ “Grenade”

March 16, 2011

So we’ve been listening to Bruno Mars’ album a lot these past few weeks. It’s one of two albums that can settle Isaac down if he’s fussy (the other one is the soundtrack to Memphis). Sometimes if he’s being fussy during dinner I’ll put my phone on the table and play the album through it’s tiny speakers and that’s usually enough to calm him down too.

The other night as I started playing “Grenade,” Besh started singing along. Sara was curious so she turned to Besh and asked:

“Besh, what do you think this song means?”

Besh stopped singing and turned to Mommy and said:

“It’s about a guy who loves a girl but she isn’t very nice to him at all. He gives her all of his love and she just throws it in the trash can.”

Mommy’s jaw dropped down to the floor and she stared at him in disbelief.

“Besher! How did you know that?”

“Daddy told me.”

Which is true. He and I had discussed the song a few weeks before when he asked me what the song was about. I realized that when he started the description, but it was just too funny to see Sara’s eyes grow wide as the description continued.

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Cutting the cheese

January 27, 2011

Since Besh is now 5, he and I have roughly the same maturity level when it comes to humor. So it was with great pleasure (for me, quite the opposite for Mommy) when I taught Besh what the expression “cut the cheese” meant.

Besh immediately took to the expression, and there was an explosion of cutting the cheese in our house. I mean using the expression, not the actual cutting of cheese.

However, Mommy correctly pointed out that this expression is likely not appropriate for public use by a five-year-old and so we spoke with Besh about not using it with his friends, at stores and restaurants, etc. He has been outstanding at following that rule.

But today, today was something special.

You see, Mommy had been cleaning out some of our pantry and fridge space and came across some snacks we had purchased for Isaac’s birthday a few weeks ago. Since they were still good, but we had so many, Mommy asked Besh’s teachers if they could use it for snack this week. The teachers said yes, so Mommy and Besh brought them into class today.

The snacks were cheesesticks. And snacks are usually cut up and divided among the students.

So, naturally, Besh approached one of his teachers and, with the biggest grin possible, asked if he could help her cut the cheese.

My work is almost done.

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Besher Speaks, September edition

September 5, 2010

Some random tidbits of wisdom/humor that Besher has bestowed upon us lately:

“When I put my fingers in my armpits and I take them out and smell them, they smell like pickles.”

[Upon being requested to come downstairs and give Mommy a goodnight hug and kiss] “Geeze, Mommy, you’re killing me!”

[When I asked if he wanted to play in the bath a bit before getting out] “Daddy! I was about to ask you that but you stole my mind!”

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