Archive for the ‘Besher Jokes’ Category

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Why I won’t be hiring Besh as a game designer just yet

August 23, 2010

Don’t get me wrong, I couldn’t be happier that he’s making up games. But given that his first game appears to be “Mommy Wins!” I’m just not his target audience.

Last night after dinner, Besh walked over to his chalkboard, picked up a piece of chalk and started doodling on the board.

Besh: “Daddy, can you guess what this is?”

Me: “It’s a drawing. With chalk. Green chalk.”

“No. For real.”

“Oh, for real. Well, it’s a drawing of Greece. No, Italy.”

“No, you’re wrong. You’re out of the game. Mommy?”

Mommy: “That’s a drawing of a man riding a horse.” (It was probably something else, but it didn’t really matter)

Besh: “That’s right, you’re the winner Mommy!”

While I protested, because it really looked more like Italy, Besh erased the board and drew something else.

Besh: “Okay, Daddy, pick a number and a color.”

Me: “The number is four and the color is red.”

Besh: “No, you’re wrong. You’re out of the game. Sorry. Mommy?”

Mommy: “3,487.560,394.3″ (Yes, it started in the billions and went to one decimal place.) “And the color is blue.”

“That’s right, Mommy! You’re the winner!”

I protested again. This game is hard. Besh agreed to give me one more chance. Again I had to pick a number and color.

I did a number that started in the trillions and went to three decimal places. And picked blue.

Besh: “Nope. Sorry.”

“WHAT?! Then what was the number?”

“Twenty-four thousand fifteen hundred.”

At least I got the color right.

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In which Besh pulls his first prank on Mommy

July 8, 2010

Totally impromptu, and not the most Earth-shattering, but bear in mind he’s still four (“Four and a half!” as he informed the checkout lady at Costco yesterday, the first time I’ve heard him refer to himself with the kid-approved “and a half!”).

Yesterday Besh and I were in the bedroom with Mommy and Isaac as I was getting ready for the afternoon adventure (Costco, as I mentioned. Because bulk quantities are an adventure!). To be clear, this was not planned. But it couldn’t have been better if it had been planned.

Besh: “Hey, Daddy, you know what? I can make a rhyme!”

Me: “Let’s hear it!”

“HEAD rhymes with SHIRT!”

“Hey, that doesn’t rhyme!” {Besh laughs}

“HAT rhymes with TV!”

“Hey, that doesn’t rhyme!” {Besh laughs}

“SHOE rhymes with FLOOR!”

“Hey, that doesn’t rhyme!” {Besh laughs}

“FEET rhymes with PANTS!”

“Hey, that doesn’t rhyme!” {Besh laughs}

Mommy: “Oh, I get this game! Hey, Besh, SOCKS rhymes with LEGS!”

Besh looks at Mommy and, totally deadpan, says:

“No, Mommy. SOCKS rhymes with FOX.”

I exert a non-trivial amount of energy to not burst out laughing.

Mommy: “Oh, Besh, you’ve made Daddy so proud.”

Posted in Besher Conversations, Besher Jokes, Family Adventures, Growing Up | 1 Comment »

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“I love them more.”

June 30, 2010

Between Sara and my genes, there was no helping that Besh would be a bit competitive. Sometimes it comes out in funny ways, like this exchange the other day (it reads harsher than it was, he was pretty light-hearted about it all and we thought it was funny).

Sara was in the kitchen getting Isaac’s bath ready while I was in his room getting Isaac ready. Isaac was probably playing his favorite game: let’s-see-how-many-diapers-I-can-crap-in-while-on-the-changing-table.

Besh walked up to Sara and said, very matter of factly,

Besh: “I love Nonni and Zeyda more than my parents.”

Mommy: “But Besh, *I* am one of your parents!”

“I know. I love them more.”

Sara laughs and says “Go tell Daddy.”

So in he walks, shaking his head and shrugging his shoulders.

“Daddy, I am so sorry to tell you but I love Nonny and Zeyda more than you.”

Me: “What?!”

“I’m sorry. BUT…I love Isaac!”

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Green like a boogie

March 17, 2010

So this about sums up why Besh is probably going to get in trouble down the road and it will be my fault entirely.

The other day I’m driving Besh home from our afternoon adventure. He was a bit cranky that afternoon, so when we hit a red light he got frustrated. “I want the cars to GO!”

Although there are a variety of ways to handle this kind of frustration, I went with silly that day.

“Yeah, cars! We want you to GO!” I yelled with him. He stared at me. “And you too, traffic light! I don’t want you to be red! Red like a strawberry! Red like blood! Red like a tongue! Red like ketchup!”

At this point he began to smile, so I kept going.

“We want you to be GREEN! Green like grass! Green like a tree! Green like broccoli! Green like a boogie!”

This pushed him over the edge and he started laughing hysterically.

“Green…like a…boogie,” he managed between laughs.

This got him home in a relatively good mood. It also stuck (no pun intended) and now when he’s in the car with Mommy he’ll ask the traffic lights to turn green like a boogie. Mommy told me that Besh said that in the car when I got home a day or two later.

“Yeah, but I was just in the car so it’s okay,” Besh responded. “Because it’s funny.”

He’s right. It is. And that’s why when he gets in trouble for stuff like this (well, not exactly like this, but for something similar) it’ll be all my fault. At least he can benefit from my school experiences and I can teach him how to minimize getting caught.

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Plan B: Ditch the parents, selling Isaac, and other Besh shorts

February 22, 2010

A collection of short notes Sara has been saving up since we’ve both been too tired for longer posts.

Conversation with Besh on 2/16 while Besh was in the backseat and Sara was driving.

Besh: I want to go on a trip.

Mommy: Me too! Where do you want to go?

B: London.

M: That would be great. But Isaac is too little to go to London.

B: Okay, how about this plan? I go to New York with Nonny and Zeyda.

M: Can Mommy and Daddy come too?

B: No, just Besher. And Nonny and Zeyda. No Mommy, no Daddy.

—

Besh has this singing, dancing Pablo doll from the Backyardigans. Got it a long time ago even though he’s never seen the show. It sings really, really loudly, so we weren’t too disppaointed that it’s voicebox gave out even with new batteries. Sara explained how it wasn’t working anymore, so Besh had the following heart-to-heart with it. It was almost enough to make me want to get him a new one. Almost.

Besh: Birdie, I love you. But you are broken. So we have to throw you away. But I love you and I will miss you. Bye, bye, birdie. I will miss you.

—

Conversation with Mommy on 2/17:

Besh: Mommy, when Isaac grows up, he is going to be my very best friend in the whole wide world.

Mommy: I sure hope so, Besh.

B: He is, he is.

M: What made you think of that, Besh?

B: I just DID.

—

Among other fun things Besh says right now, beautiful is pronounced bee-YOU-tiful.

—

Said to Gamaw (a teacher in California) during her last visit: Do your students call you Ms. Gamaw?

Said to Mommy: If we had another baby, we’d have to sell Isaac!

Also said to Mommy: Mommy, I am bigger than Isaac but I am still just a little kid.

Posted in Besher Conversations, Besher Jokes, Besher's Little Brother, Mommy Adventures | Leave a Comment »

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First week as a big brother and why Isaac can’t juggle

December 28, 2009

For those that don’t know (although I’m not sure how you would know about this blog but not know the other thing), Besher’s little brother Isaac was born on December 18. We’ve been telling him about this day for quite some time but we were still a bit nervous about his actual reaction. It went as smoothly as we could hope.

First, we had great help from the extended family. While Nonni and Gamaw were at the hospital with Sara and I, Besher had a special Zayda adventure. Besher got to come to the hospital later in the day when Sara, Isaac and I were in the room. Besh came in and immediately wanted to hold Isaac. So he washed his hands and sat in the chair holding him for a few minutes. It was pretty great. Besh smiled at Isaac, kissed his head and said, “Hi, Isaac. I’m your big brother.”

While in the hospital, Besh was in charge of making people wash their hands before they held Isaac. He loved the assignment and has continued it at home. And he continues to be incredibly loving towards his brother. Yesterday I was changing a messy diaper and Isaac was crying so Besh came in and stroked Isaac’s head while I worked on the diaper. While he stroked his little brother’s head he said, “It’s okay, Isaac. You’re okay, Isaac.” Pretty sweet.

We’ve also had some conversations about Isaac when Besh and I have gone to the grocery store or some other errands. I pointed out that Isaac wasn’t going to be able to walk for a while because he’s so small.

“Yeah, he’s so small he can’t walk,” Besh agreed. “He can’t sit. He can’t talk. He can’t eat food. He can’t play games. He can’t drive a car. He can’t even juggle!”

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Two tales from the final pre-baby days

December 17, 2009

As we count down the minutes until Besher’s little brother arrives, wanted to record two tales from this past week.

The first happened yesterday as Sara and I were guest speakers at Besh’s class for circle time. Our topic: Chanukah. That’s an easy enough subject if you’ve been celebrating it for three decades or so, but what makes it challenging is presenting to a group of inquisitive three, four, and five year olds.

Hats off to Sara who tackled the actual story of Chanukah. I was trying to figure out how to tell the story without getting all scary with war and battles and a ransacked temple, but Sara dove right in and explained there was a war and Israel won. Well there ya go.

We then showed them dreidels and how (roughly) to play. Also spoke about menorahs and latkes before giving them some latkes for snack time (with sour cream and applesauce, of course).

Before latkes, Miss Aimee asked the class if anyone had any questions. Kids raised their hands and asked us the following:

“I got my haircut at my dad’s haircut place and I got a lollipop.”

“I think lanterns are hot when they are lit so you have to turn the fan on to cool them off.” (That was Besh)

“Chocolate milk!!!”

Miss Aimee then reminded the class what a question sounded like. Turns out we didn’t have any questions.

Second tale happened last night. At dinner Sara was telling Besh how tomorrow night (as I write this, tonight) was our final night just the three of us since his little brother would be here on Friday. Sara asked if there was anyplace special that Besh would like to go for dinner. Sara, being 9 months pregnant, and also being Sara, was a bit emotional while asking Besh. As her eyes welled up, Besh thought about his options and then happily proclaimed “I know! Wendy’s!”

Sara and I burst into laughter. Besh later admitted he was just kidding (we rarely go there, but that was a favorite of his until the unfortunate vanilla Frosty incident). Remains to be seen where we go, but nice to know Besh still has a sense of humor about all these changes.

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Keeping the good trike

October 12, 2009

This morning Sara was dropping off Besh at school and loaded down with bags.  It was our week for classroom snacks plus Sara had a bag of spades and brushes we’d bought for the upcoming dinosaur bone excavation for the class (because most scientists know that dinosaur bones are frequently found in pre-school sand pits).  Since Sara had so many bags, she asked Besh to carry his lunch box inside.

As soon as they went through the gate, Besh ran to his favorite trike with his lunch box in his hand.

Sara: “Besh, can you please bring your lunchbox inside?”

Besh: “No, I want you to do it because I want to keep this trike.”

Daschel, another boy in his class was standing nearby.  By way of background, Daschel is a bit older than Besh and he has an older brother.  I think these things combined so that Daschel would sometimes call Besh a baby for some things.  Besh did not like this, but he told Daschel at some point and then it stopped.

Daschel: “That’s okay, Besher.  I’ll hold the trike for you until you come back.”

Besher ran from the trike over to Sara, glowing.

“Daschel is going to hold the trike for me!  AND Daschel doesn’t call me a baby anymore!”

This was apparently very funny to both Besh and Daschel, as they both started laughing and then proceeded to call each other Baby Besher and Baby Daschel.  Proving that male bonding has a genetic basis in insults.

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Two shorts: Giving the sun a smoothie and the teacher/waitress game

July 13, 2009

Two short tales today.

First one happened last week.  On the way home from camp, Besh and Sara stopped off at Pajamba Juice for a moo moo (translation in here).  It was yet another 100+ day in central Texas and on the drive home they were talking about how hot it was.  Suddenly Besh lifted his cup and straw up to the roof of the car.

Besh: “Here you go, sun.  You can have some of my moo moo.  It will cool you off.”

Finally, a workable and tasty solution to global warming.

—–

Second story has been happening for a while but we just found out about it last week in a short conversation with Besh’s teacher.  Apparently whenever Besh has a piece of paper in his hands at school/camp and his teacher walks by he likes to pretend he’s ordering food.  So she’ll walk by and he’ll say, “Um, I’ll have some macaroni and cheese, please.”

Besh’s teacher, who’s awesome, plays along and will respond, “And what would you like to drink, sir?”  To which Besh always answers, “Milk, please.”

At three it’s funny.  In high school, it may prompt a phone call.

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Toddler humor rocks, part 2: Commando!

February 18, 2009

On the drive home from school today, Besh informed Sara that he wasn’t wearing any underwear.

Besh: “I left my underwear in the fish bathroom.  Because it’s funny.”

Sara: “You aren’t wearing any underwear?”

“No, I’m just kidding.”

But he wasn’t kidding.  Underwear was left at school.

I’m thinking Sara’s parting remarks to Besh tomorrow morning are going to make the TINTIS board.

UPDATE 2/19/09: On the way to school today, Besh brought up yesterday’s Commando! incident.

Sara: “Why did you leave [your underwear] at school?”

Besh: “To make my friends laugh.  It’s funny.”

The idea of a bunch of toddlers laughing at Besh going commando is, I’m ashamed to admit, awesome.

Oh, and Sara’s parting words to Besh this morning at school did, as predicted, make it to TINTIS.

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