Tonight, a conversation as Besh was playing his Batman math Leapster game.
Besh: “Daddy, are there kids out there who think Batman is real?”
Daddy: “I don’t know.”
Mommy: “Do you think Batman is real, Besher?”
Besher: “I think Batman is so awesome, he’s real to me.”
Today Besh went with Mommy to go get Mommy’s car washed. On the drive home they quickly realized that the cleaner used inside the car smelled rather disgusting, so they proceeded to roll down the windows. At which point Besh felt the need to tell Mommy something very important.
Besh: “You know what this car needs, Mommy?”
Mommy: “What, Besh?”
“More cowbell.”
So we’ve been listening to Bruno Mars’ album a lot these past few weeks. It’s one of two albums that can settle Isaac down if he’s fussy (the other one is the soundtrack to Memphis). Sometimes if he’s being fussy during dinner I’ll put my phone on the table and play the album through it’s tiny speakers and that’s usually enough to calm him down too.
The other night as I started playing “Grenade,” Besh started singing along. Sara was curious so she turned to Besh and asked:
“Besh, what do you think this song means?”
Besh stopped singing and turned to Mommy and said:
“It’s about a guy who loves a girl but she isn’t very nice to him at all. He gives her all of his love and she just throws it in the trash can.”
Mommy’s jaw dropped down to the floor and she stared at him in disbelief.
“Besher! How did you know that?”
“Daddy told me.”
Which is true. He and I had discussed the song a few weeks before when he asked me what the song was about. I realized that when he started the description, but it was just too funny to see Sara’s eyes grow wide as the description continued.
Yesterday the entire family was in the car driving home when Besh started talking movies.
Besh: “Daddy, am I old enough to see Spider-Man yet?”
Me: “No, not yet.”
“Because of the scary parts?”
“Yeah, because of the scary parts.”
“What about Batman?”
“Same with Batman.”
“What about Green Lantern?”
“I don’t know. It isn’t out yet.”
At which point Mommy started laughing.
Since Besh is now 5, he and I have roughly the same maturity level when it comes to humor. So it was with great pleasure (for me, quite the opposite for Mommy) when I taught Besh what the expression “cut the cheese” meant.
Besh immediately took to the expression, and there was an explosion of cutting the cheese in our house. I mean using the expression, not the actual cutting of cheese.
However, Mommy correctly pointed out that this expression is likely not appropriate for public use by a five-year-old and so we spoke with Besh about not using it with his friends, at stores and restaurants, etc. He has been outstanding at following that rule.
But today, today was something special.
You see, Mommy had been cleaning out some of our pantry and fridge space and came across some snacks we had purchased for Isaac’s birthday a few weeks ago. Since they were still good, but we had so many, Mommy asked Besh’s teachers if they could use it for snack this week. The teachers said yes, so Mommy and Besh brought them into class today.
The snacks were cheesesticks. And snacks are usually cut up and divided among the students.
So, naturally, Besh approached one of his teachers and, with the biggest grin possible, asked if he could help her cut the cheese.
My work is almost done.
Tonight’s bathtime conversation with Besh.
Besh: “Daddy, is Boba Fett a good guy or a bad guy?”
Daddy: “He’s a bad guy.”
“Because he works for Jabba the Hutt?”
“Exactly.”
“But does he talk?”
“Yes.”
“When does he talk?”
“Well, remember in Empire Strikes Back he talks to Darth Vader a little bit.”
“For real?”
“Yes. They’re about to put Han into carbonite and Boba Fett tells Darth Vader, ‘He’s no good to me dead.’”
“What did that mean?”
“Well, Jabba the Hutt wanted Han Solo alive, not dead. So Boba Fett was telling Darth Vader not to kill Han Solo.”
“So instead of killing Han Solo, they put him in carbonite. See?! Boba Fett is kind of a good guy!”
“Huh. I guess you’re right.”
My apologies in advance to Nonni and Zeyda, but it’s a true story.
Today as Besh and Isaac and I were driving around, On Broadway playing on the Sirius satellite radio, a song came on that we hadn’t heard before. Besh always asks the same two questions for a new song. The other statements were…unique.
Besh: “What show is this from?”
Me: “I don’t know, Besh. It has a name but I’ve never heard of it.”
“What happens in the show?”
“No idea. It’s a really, really old show.”
“How do you know?”
“It says the year of the show was 1967. I wasn’t even alive then.”
“For real?”
“For real. But Nonnia and Zeyda were alive then. Maybe they know the show.”
“Nonnie and Zeyda were alive then?”
“Yep.”
“And the dinosaurs too?”
After being interrupted the day we started Return of the Jedi, Besh finally got to see the rest of it this week. He definitely enjoyed it (we don’t mind the Ewoks in this family) and we’ve had a few conversations about it already. But this was my favorite.
Besh: “Daddy, did Luke cut off Darth Vader’s real hand or was it just the costume hand?”
Me: “That was his real hand.”
“Why did he do that?”
“He did it to end the fight. And remember, that’s what Darth Vader did to him in Empire Strikes Back.”
“Oh.” He thinks about this a second. “Well, then that’s fair. Darth Vader did it to him so he did it to Darth Vader. That’s okay then. That’s fair.”
I didn’t want to have the whole eye-for-an-eye conversation with him just yet. Partly because I was tired and mostly because he’s still only four years old. But at least we have a platform.
And speaking of fun things to talk to your four year old, last night Besh put on his jacket, reached into his pocket and pulled out his fist. He’s been known to bring home rocks, twigs, various kid stuff from school (which all go back the next day).
Besh: “Look what I found! It’s a rock! I think it’s from a volcano or something.”
The rock did look a bit…off. It wasn’t the smoother rocks typically found at his school. It looked darker, but with bits of color.
Mommy: “Besh, can I see that?” Besh brings it to her and she inspects it. “Um, yeah, this isn’t a rock, Besh. It’s poop.”
“How do you know it’s poop?”
“Well, there’s a piece of corn in it.”
After some vigorous hand washing, I think we all laughed for about 30 minutes over Mommy’s line.
Hot on the heels of the Star Wars viewing on Saturday, I showed Besh The Empire Strikes Back on Sunday. I had to run an errand during the first part, but I hurried home to be sure and catch his reaction to The Moment. You know The Moment. Everyone remembers the first time they hear Darth Vader uttering those four cursed words.
So with Luke using his one remaining hand to hold onto the strategically placed metal pipe in the middle of a huge hole of nothingness, Vader reveals the family secret. I watch Besh’s face–nothing. No reaction. Maybe he’s taking it all in. Luke protests, Vader starts talking about forming the greatest team since Hulk Hogan and Andre the Giant, and Luke takes the plunge. Still nothing from Besh. I can’t take it anymore.
Daddy: “Besh–didn’t you hear what Darth Vader just said?”
Besh: “Huh?”
“Did you hear him?”
“Oh. Yeah.”
“What did he say?”
“I dunno. Something about ruling the galaxy.”
“The other part! Darth Vader just said he’s Luke’s dad!”
“Seriously? But…but he’s bad!”
Then it clicked. But we watched the rest of the movie before we talked about The Moment and some other important topics.
The conversation continued on into dinner where I told Besh there were two important things he needed to remember from the movies this weekend. First up: Han shot first.
Daddy: “You remember when Han Solo shot the green guy in the bar?”
Besh: “Oh, the guy with the gun?”
“Yes. So it’s important you know–they changed the movie. In the original version, Han Solo shot him first. Greedo–”
“Who’s Greedo?”
“The green guy.”
“Oh. Green. Greedo. Got it.”
“Greedo never shot first, Han just shot him.”
“Why?”
“Because Han wasn’t a very nice guy before Luke met him.”
“Oh yeah. And then Luke and the gray haired guy–”
“Obi Wan.”
“Yeah, him. They talked to Han Solo when Luke was doing his lightsaver practice and turned Han good.” [Yes, he calls it a lightsaver, I'm working on it.]
“That’s right. Han becomes a good guy because he’s friends with Luke.”
“Yeah! And now he’s a good guy and a good friend!”
The second big topic at dinner was that I told him he could not reveal that Darth Vader was Luke’s dad to any of his school friends. If they’ve seen the movie, he can talk about it with them, but otherwise I’m not raising a Spoiler. He got the message. But then he had a question.
“Daddy, when Luke went into that cave and fought Darth Vader and his helmet blew up, why did he see Luke’s head?”
“Why do you think he saw Luke’s head?”
“I don’t know.”
“Well, I think it was a dream. The Force was telling him that if he gives in and kills Darth Vader, he’d be just as bad as Darth Vader. So Luke needs to figure out a way to beat Darth Vader without killing him, because if he kills Vader he’ll be bad.”
“Oh. Hey–I’ve got a GREAT idea!”
“What?”
“They can cast a magic spell on Luke’s lightsaver so that it stands up all by itself. And then when Darth Vader comes the lightsaver will kill Darth Vader but Luke didn’t touch it so he didn’t kill him!”
I figured we’d had enough heavy conversations to try and tackle transferred intent, so instead Sara and I agreed that was an interesting idea but that Luke would probably still need to find a way to not kill Vader.
Although it’s not a bad idea.
Today was a monumental day, the day Besher first saw Star Wars. Last week he announced he was ready, and yesterday I found the last boxed set of the original trilogy at Costco ($5 cheaper than Amazon yeah!).
Of course, by original I mean it’s the Luke-Leia-Han trilogy. Not original as in before Lucas messed with it in the 90s. But I digress.
Mommy was concerned that parts of it might be too scary, so I watched most of it with Besh. Just, you know, to make sure he wasn’t scared. He wasn’t.
Here are some of Besh’s observations during the movie:
“Did he drive that floating car? That doesn’t look safe.”
“Why doesn’t R2D2 fly?”
“How did they get the recording in R2D2?”
“See him? [Luke.] He’s wearing white. He’s a good guy.”
“Wait, those other guys wearing white [Stormtroopers] are bad guys?”
“How did they get Darth Vader’s costume on?”
And, when he asked his favorite part, he eagerly responded:
“The lightsaber fight with Darth Vader and the gray haired guy!”
Daddy: “You mean Obi Wan Kenobi?”
“Who’s that?”
“The gray haired guy.”
“Yeah. He fought Darth Vader. Did you know he fought Darth Vader?”
“I did know that. I’ve seen it, you know.”
“When you saw it, who did you think would win? Did you think ‘He’s going to win!’ ‘Oh, no, he’s going to win now!’ ‘Wait, now he’s winning!’?”
I laughed and told him I couldn’t remember. It was been a while. But I’m glad this huge event has taken place.
Tomorrow, he and I are going to have a long conversation about Han and Greedo.
