The Besh Moments In Life

A few months ago Sara and I had the heartbreaking weekend when we found out that Besher’s beloved teacher, Miss Aimee, was moving out of Austin at the end of the school year. Although Besh was himself graduating from his school, Miss Aimee had become part of his life and a favorite [insert word that means more than babysitter here since that word doesn't hold a candle]. I think there’s little doubt that besides his immediate family, Besher holds more love for Miss Aimee than anyone he knows and that includes people in the Star Wars universe.

We couldn’t blame Miss Aimee for her direction. Not only has she been an amazing guide for the past 3 years at Besher’s school but she also took on the emotional and time-intensive task of being a CASA representative. This, it turned out, was a trial to see if she could take the next step in her journey which was to get her master’s degree and eventually open an orphanage.

So, yes, the world will be a better place for Miss Aimee’s new path and countless children will have better lives for it. But we’re still a bit sad to lose someone like her. So, world, you’re welcome.

There was a plan to tell the children about the changes (the other guide in the class was switching as well, new guides coming in, etc.) in May. When the time came for the announcement to the children, we were unsure how Besh would take it. That he loves Miss Aimee was unquestionable, but whether he would comprehend that she was moving away–we weren’t sure what he would think. He knows he’s going to a new school next year and he’s thrilled for that. But we guessed that he expected he’d still see Miss Aimee, so it was a question of whether the news would connect with him during the announcement or later.

The announcement was last Friday. It connected that day.

I wasn’t there for the announcement or the rest of the day, but let me share this quote from our class’ email newsletter to put it in Miss Aimee’s words:

First, I referenced the work that Keyla [other guide], Laura [pre-primary guide] and I did in Nicaragua and reminded the children that there are others in the world that are lacking the things that we are so lucky to have. I shared that even adults are learning every day and that I was getting ready to go back to school to “learn how to help children that need help”. I explained that it was difficult for me to make this choice, but that I was leaving Athena so that I could help children that needed me.

Apparently part of the longer conversation was that this new path was part of Miss Aimee’s dream. This sank in with Besh, because later in the day the following (probably highly paraphrased) conversation took place:

Besher: “Miss Aimee, you know how it was your dream to go to school?”

Miss Aimee: “Yes, Besher.”

“My dream was that you would never leave. But that’s not going to come true.”

He cried. I’m guessing Miss Aimee fought hard not to as well, just as Sara and I would upon hearing the story.

It’s a mixed blessing, of course. Given that Besh has the Broadway bug like his parents, he’ll be on the East Coast often enough that we’re hoping to connect with Miss Aimee again over the years. It won’t be the same, and that’s okay since Miss Aimee has a new journey ahead of her that will definitely make a world of difference for all those children in the future waiting for her care. But it’s still a sad moment for Besh to part ways with someone who’s been so important in his life.

Miss Aimee, Sara and I don’t have enough words to express what you’ve done. Both in the classroom with Miss Keyla and out of the classroom. To say you are one in a billion is grossly undercounting, and all of your school-parents are probably experiencing the same bittersweet feelings on your departure. Know that you will always be missed just as you will always be supported. And thank you for being who you are.

Yesterday the entire family was in the car driving home when Besh started talking movies.

Besh: “Daddy, am I old enough to see Spider-Man yet?”

Me: “No, not yet.”

“Because of the scary parts?”

“Yeah, because of the scary parts.”

“What about Batman?”

“Same with Batman.”

“What about Green Lantern?”

“I don’t know. It isn’t out yet.”

At which point Mommy started laughing.

After being interrupted the day we started Return of the Jedi, Besh finally got to see the rest of it this week.  He definitely enjoyed it (we don’t mind the Ewoks in this family) and we’ve had a few conversations about it already.  But this was my favorite.

Besh: “Daddy, did Luke cut off Darth Vader’s real hand or was it just the costume hand?”

Me: “That was his real hand.”

“Why did he do that?”

“He did it to end the fight.  And remember, that’s what Darth Vader did to him in Empire Strikes Back.”

“Oh.”  He thinks about this a second.  “Well, then that’s fair.  Darth Vader did it to him so he did it to Darth Vader.  That’s okay then.  That’s fair.”

I didn’t want to have the whole eye-for-an-eye conversation with him just yet.  Partly because I was tired and mostly because he’s still only four years old.  But at least we have a platform.

And speaking of fun things to talk to your four year old, last night Besh put on his jacket, reached into his pocket and pulled out his fist.  He’s been known to bring home rocks, twigs, various kid stuff from school (which all go back the next day).

Besh: “Look what I found!  It’s a rock!  I think it’s from a volcano or something.”

The rock did look a bit…off.  It wasn’t the smoother rocks typically found at his school.  It looked darker, but with bits of color.

Mommy: “Besh, can I see that?”  Besh brings it to her and she inspects it.  “Um, yeah, this isn’t a rock, Besh.  It’s poop.”

“How do you know it’s poop?”

“Well, there’s a piece of corn in it.”

After some vigorous hand washing, I think we all laughed for about 30 minutes over Mommy’s line.

Hot on the heels of the Star Wars viewing on Saturday, I showed Besh The Empire Strikes Back on Sunday.  I had to run an errand during the first part, but I hurried home to be sure and catch his reaction to The Moment.  You know The Moment.  Everyone remembers the first time they hear Darth Vader uttering those four cursed words.

So with Luke using his one remaining hand to hold onto the strategically placed metal pipe in the middle of a huge hole of nothingness, Vader reveals the family secret.  I watch Besh’s face–nothing.  No reaction.  Maybe he’s taking it all in.  Luke protests, Vader starts talking about forming the greatest team since Hulk Hogan and Andre the Giant, and Luke takes the plunge.  Still nothing from Besh.  I can’t take it anymore.

Daddy: “Besh–didn’t you hear what Darth Vader just said?”

Besh: “Huh?”

“Did you hear him?”

“Oh.  Yeah.”

“What did he say?”

“I dunno.  Something about ruling the galaxy.”

“The other part!  Darth Vader just said he’s Luke’s dad!”

“Seriously?  But…but he’s bad!”

Then it clicked.  But we watched the rest of the movie before we talked about The Moment and some other important topics.

The conversation continued on into dinner where I told Besh there were two important things he needed to remember from the movies this weekend.  First up: Han shot first.

Daddy: “You remember when Han Solo shot the green guy in the bar?”

Besh: “Oh, the guy with the gun?”

“Yes.  So it’s important you know–they changed the movie.  In the original version, Han Solo shot him first.  Greedo–”

“Who’s Greedo?”

“The green guy.”

“Oh.  Green.  Greedo.  Got it.”

“Greedo never shot first, Han just shot him.”

“Why?”

“Because Han wasn’t a very nice guy before Luke met him.”

“Oh yeah.  And then Luke and the gray haired guy–”

“Obi Wan.”

“Yeah, him.  They talked to Han Solo when Luke was doing his lightsaver practice and turned Han good.”  [Yes, he calls it a lightsaver, I'm working on it.]

“That’s right.  Han becomes a good guy because he’s friends with Luke.”

“Yeah! And now he’s a good guy and a good friend!”

The second big topic at dinner was that I told him he could not reveal that Darth Vader was Luke’s dad to any of his school friends.  If they’ve seen the movie, he can talk about it with them, but otherwise I’m not raising a Spoiler.  He got the message.  But then he had a question.

“Daddy, when Luke went into that cave and fought Darth Vader and his helmet blew up, why did he see Luke’s head?”

“Why do you think he saw Luke’s head?”

“I don’t know.”

“Well, I think it was a dream.  The Force was telling him that if he gives in and kills Darth Vader, he’d be just as bad as Darth Vader.  So Luke needs to figure out a way to beat Darth Vader without killing him, because if he kills Vader he’ll be bad.”

“Oh.  Hey–I’ve got a GREAT idea!”

“What?”

“They can cast a magic spell on Luke’s lightsaver so that it stands up all by itself.  And then when Darth Vader comes the lightsaver will kill Darth Vader but Luke didn’t touch it so he didn’t kill him!”

I figured we’d had enough heavy conversations to try and tackle transferred intent, so instead Sara and I agreed that was an interesting idea but that Luke would probably still need to find a way to not kill Vader.

Although it’s not a bad idea.